


I Love The Way We're Carryin' On (But Baby How Long?)

by wherehopelies



Series: If You Want, We'll Share This Life (When Nobody Understands You, Well, I Do) [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Awkward questions, Classic Tropes, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Sharing a Bed, we have to kiss for Fake Reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-03-29 22:58:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13937238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherehopelies/pseuds/wherehopelies
Summary: Bemily Week day 1: fake dating - Beca and Emily pretend to be dating when Stacie almost catches them breaking the mandatory Bella Vegan diet





	1. How It Starts

When Chloe first said the words “vegan diet” Beca thought she was kidding.

Really. Like can you imagine the Bellas on a collective vegan diet?? Beca really couldn’t.

But it turns out Chloe was 100% serious. Apparently one tactic her crazy brain had decided was going to help them defeat Das Sound Machine at Worlds was implementing a full dietary adjustment.

One without cheese.

Beca imagines this is what hell might be like.

//

Fat Amy, of course, downright rejects this idea, and it’s not like anyone can stop Amy from doing whatever the hell she wants, so. Fat Amy is free.

Beca, for her part, tries to argue, or at least persuade Chloe to let her have cheese, but Chloe shoots her those puppy dog eyes and her mouth thins into a determined line and well, Beca knows a lost cause when she sees one.

“So wait can we just not eat meat?” Cynthia Rose asks and Beca prays there’s no lesbian joke coming. “I’m already a vagitarian.”

Beca sighs.

“And dairy,” Ashley says from her place behind her laptop, already fully committed to a vegan diet herself. “And any other animal product.”

Emily, who had been contemplating their new Bella house meal schedule, looks up worriedly. “Wait so we can’t have ice cream?”

“You can have vegan ice cream,” Chloe assures her with a bright smile.

Emily doesn’t seem assured. Still, she agrees to the Bellas Go Vegan 2015 Initiative that Chloe typed up.

Yeah, it’s a literal fucking contract.

Beca feels like she might be signing her soul away when she writes her name under Stacie’s in red pen.

//

Beca can’t do it.

She can’t fucking do it.

It’s been three days and she hasn’t had a cheeseburger. She hasn’t had cheese. She hasn’t had even one bite of chocolate!

(Okay she did have  _one_ bite, but it was fake vegan chocolate and she almost spit it out because it seemed like a betrayal to  _real_ chocolate so like, that doesn’t count.)

Needless to say… she caves.

It’s 12:23am and she creeps down the loft stairs, tiptoes down the hallway, and sneaks down the main stairs and into the kitchen.

The Bella house is dark, every member asleep already. She feels like a spy or some kind of traitor, but to be honest, she doesn’t really care. There is a bag of shredded cheese in the fridge that  _literally_ has her name written on it (in black Sharpie, above the words NO TOUCHING).

She opens the fridge door and, quiet as a mouse (or a hamster or any other kind of small and sneaky creature), slides open the cheese drawer and grabs her cheese. Then she closes the drawer, shuts the fridge, and turns to sit at the table.

And almost screams.

In the light of the closing fridge, she just barely sees a figure sitting at the kitchen table, still as a statue. It takes her eyes a moment to readjust to the darkness, but then she makes eye contact with Emily, who is frozen in place, a spoon halfway to her mouth and a pint of ice cream on the table in front of her.

“Emily!” She hisses. “What the hell dude!”

“Sorry!” Emily squeaks, half-heartedly trying to cover her pint of ice cream with her hands. “I… I wasn’t doing anything! I was… checking to see if anyone else had eaten any!”

Beca barely holds back from snorting. “Oh my God, you cheater!”

Emily has the heart to look embarrassed for half a second before her mouth opens in disbelief. “Me? You’re creeping in here at midnight to greedily shovel cheese in your mouth!”

“Cheese is like barely anything. You have ice cream, that’s way worse!”

“Yeah, well if I’m going to break the contract then at least I’m doing it for ice cream! All you have is cheese!”

Beca opens her mouth to argue again, but then there’s the sound of a toilet flushing from upstairs and she shuts it. Emily freezes in place again, but it seems whoever it was went back to their room.

Beca breathes easily again.

“Okay,” she whispers, sitting down across from Emily at the kitchen table. “How about we just didn’t see each other here.”

“What do you mean, you’re right - oh. Ohhhh. Yeah.” Emily nods vigorously. “Yeah I was never here. I’m sleeping on the couch right now.”

“Yeah,” Beca agrees. “And I’m up in the loft trying to drown out Amy’s snoring.”

Emily giggles, smiling at Beca in the darkness. Then she takes another spoonful of ice cream, moaning a little when she puts it in her mouth.

“Why are they making us do this? Who wants to live without ice cream?”

“Who wants to live without cheese?” Beca shoots back, grabbing a pinch of shredded cheddar and pulling it out of the bag before sprinkling it into her mouth.

Sweet, wonderful, perfect cheese. How she missed it.

After a few minutes, Emily puts the top back on the ice cream carton and Beca reseals the bag of cheese. She grabs Emily’s ice cream and returns the goods to their respective spots in the fridge and freezer.

Then they say goodnight and disappear into their sections of the Bella house, quiet as ghosts, as if they were never there at all.

//

It becomes their secret.

They have tri-weekly rendezvous in the kitchen around midnight. Over meals, carefully prepared by Ashley and Chloe every day, they exchange knowing eye contact, quietly chewing on their vegan dinners while thinking of the time they’ll both be in the kitchen later and sneakily snacking on their forbidden delicacies.

They last almost a month before they get caught.

They’re in the kitchen like they usually are, sitting in silence and enjoying their treats. Beca has her hand in her bag of cheese when she hears it - the creaking of the stairs.

“Shit,” she hisses, and snatches Emily’s ice cream from the table. She rushes to the fridge and shoves the carton and bag of cheese in.

“What are you doing?” Emily whispers, jolting out of her seat.

“Someone’s coming! Hide!”

They look around, but they’re in the kitchen and they have maybe seconds before they’re caught standing in the dark, Emily’s ice cream covered spoon still on the table.

Basically they’re totally SOL.

“Sorry about this!” Emily squeaks and pushes Beca against the counter.

Beca has half a second to question what’s about to happen, and then Emily’s lips are on hers, just as the kitchen lights flip on.

“Oh my God!”

Emily whips around and Beca squints in the now bright light of the kitchen to see Stacie standing in the doorway.

“You sneaky little sneaks!” Stacie gasps out.

Beca’s eyes flicker to the spoon on the kitchen table, sitting in the smallest puddle of melted ice cream. Her cheeks burn from Emily’s unexpected kiss and are likely as red as Chloe’s hair. She’s sure the jig is up.

“How long have you guys been hooking up?!” Stacie steps further into the kitchen, eyes narrowed in their direction.

“Umm. You.. uh, like,” Emily stammers, but Beca seizes on the opportunity and leans into Emily’s side.

“None of your business, dude,” she gives Stacie an exaggerated scowl.

Emily’s entire body is rigid against Beca’s.

“Hmm,” Stacie says suspiciously. Then she nods, impressed. “Pinned against the counter? Wow Em I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhh,” Emily lets out and Beca nudges her. “Uh. Yeah. I mean. Beca is pretty… er. Short.”

Beca can feel Emily cringe and has to majorly refrain from rolling her eyes.

Stacie, however, just grins. “Yeah, no doubt.” She looks them over once again before moving toward the faucet. “Well, don’t let me stop you crazy kids. Just needed some water.”

They watch as she fills her water glass, winks at them, then heads out of the kitchen, flipping the light off behind her as she goes.

Emily slumps against the counter in relief, her head falling in her hands. “Oh my God, Beca, I am so sorry, I just panicked.”

Beca taps the girl awkwardly on her shoulder. “No, no,” she says. “It was a good idea. We didn’t get caught.”

“Yeah but now what? Do we have to pretend to be dating? Friends with benefits? Sex friends? OH MY GOD DO WE HAVE TO HAVE SEX?!”

Beca clamps her hand over Emily’s mouth. “Shh!”

“Sorry,” Emily mutters, the sound muffled. Beca drops her hand.

“Calm yourself, Legacy,” Beca says. “We can just, you know, play it by ear or whatever. We do  _not_ have to have sex.”

Emily nods slowly at first, then more enthusiastically. “Yeah... yeah you’re right. Maybe Stacie won’t say anything.”

Beca thinks the chances of that are as likely as Stacie never having sex again, but she nods anyway. “Yeah, maybe.” She opens the fridge and grabs the ice cream. “Do you want more of this?”

“Uh.” Emily shakes her head. “I think we’ve pushed our luck enough for one night. I’m gonna head to bed. Goodnight Beca.”

“Night,” Beca responds.

She puts the ice cream in the freezer and washes the spoon quickly. Then she heads back up to bed herself, surprisingly still thinking of the taste of chocolate ice cream on her lips.


	2. The Bed Sharing and The Questions

Beca really thought Stacie thinking they’re hooking up was going to be a bigger deal. Mostly because the Bellas love making a big deal out of even the smallest of things.

But a couple weeks pass without comment.

That is, until one night Beca finds herself being gently shaken awake.

“Beca,” a whispered voice says and Beca opens her eyes a crack to see the tall Emily-like shadow hovering over her.

“Huh?” Beca grunts. She squints at the clock. 

2:21AM.

“Whasswron?”

“Can I sleep here?” 

Beca cranes her neck up higher to look at Emily. “Why?”

“It’s Stacie! She saw me going back to the couch and asked if we had a fight and I said no and then she wondered why I wasn’t sleeping in your bed so then I panicked and said I was just looking for my sock and was about to come back up here!” Emily rushes this out in one hushed exhale of breath.

“Oh,” Beca hums, somehow managing through her half-asleep state to remember they were pretending to hook up as a cover for breaking the vegan diet. “Kay but you’re next to the wall.”

“Okay, sorry, thanks.” Emily climbs over Beca, accidentally kneeing Beca in the side. “Sorry. Shoot. Sorry.”

Beca’s already pretty much back asleep.

//

Beca’s body is on fire when she wakes up.

She opens her eyes, vaguely noting she’s on top of something besides her sheets, but mostly preoccupied with the fact that she’s sweating like crazy.

She flings her legs out from under the comforter and pushes herself away from the source of warmth. Lifting her head, she sees someone in her bed and remembers Emily coming into her room last night panicking about Stacie.

Right. Their hookup thing.

Beca slumps back on her pillow, which is almost cold on her cheek after the space heater that is Emily. She rolls on her side and looks at the girl.

Her face is peaceful in sleep, her hair spread over the pillow in a million directions. Her mouth is open slightly, slow exhales of breath pushing through every few seconds. Beca reaches out with one finger and pokes her in the cheek.

“Legacy,” she says, her voice crackly and rough. “Wake up.”

“Hmm?” Emily lifts her head without opening her eyes. “Okay.” Then she rolls into Beca‘s side her deep breathing resuming.

Beca rolls her eyes, but can’t help the smile that tugs at her lips. “Emily.” She kicks the covers off them and the cool air feels good on her skin. Emily, however, whines and tries to grab them with her eyes closed. Beca smirks. “Fat Amy heard you sleep talking.”

Emily’s eyes fly open. “What?!”

“Kidding.”

“Oh.” Emily scowls and pushes at Beca with her foot. 

“Someone’s grumpy in the morning…” Beca says, laughing when Emily’s scowl deepens. 

“I didn’t sleep well. Amy was snoring.” Emily rubs her eyes and turns to get a better look at Beca. “How do you sleep with that?”

Beca snorts. “You get used to it.” She stretches a little, her foot nudging Emily’s on accident. Emily’s skin is still warm to the touch. “I need coffee. Are you getting up?”

“I guess,” Emily sighs. She looks over at Amy’s now empty bed mournfully. “I could use a nap.”

“You have class in two hours.”

“I know.” She mumbles something that sounds like  _ stupid physics _ under her breath and pushes herself up. 

They thump down the stairs and into the kitchen. Beca heads straight for the Keurig machine and Emily makes her way to the couch where Stacie is sitting cross-legged, a textbook in her lap. Chloe’s in the armchair watching something on her laptop.

Beca makes herself a cup of coffee, then puts a K-cup in for Emily. When it’s done, she brings them both into the family room, settling between Stacie and Emily on the couch. Chloe takes her headphones out when Beca sits down.

“Kay so…” Chloe says, her eyes glinting mischievously in Beca’s direction.

“Can’t have it,” Emily yawns, murmuring a soft thanks to Beca as she takes her mug and cups her hands around it.

“What?” Beca and Stacie ask at the same time.

“What?” Emily responds.

“Can’t have what?”

“Queso?” Emily frowns. “It’s cheese.” She smirks slightly, and Beca thinks to anyone else it would just look like a smile, but Beca knows what Emily’s getting at.

She sticks her tongue out and Emily laughs.

“Hm, you know I kinda doubted Stacie when she told me, but I think you’re right, Stace,” Chloe says, staring at the two of them, her grin much too wide. “They’re hooking up.”

Beside her, Emily freezes. “Uh.” She looks at Beca with wide-eyes.

Beca, used to Chloe and Stacie’s games, meets Chloe’s gaze, completely unfazed. “Like you two haven’t hooked up.”

Stacie laughs. “Well, yeah, but we’re us. And you guys are… well, you. No offense Beca.”

Beca doesn’t know why that would be offensive and she isn’t about to ask. “None taken.”

“Well I think it’s cute,” Chloe chirps, leaning toward Emily excitedly. “Tell me, Em, is Beca a good kisser?”

Emily’s face goes bright red. Her mouth opens like she’s going to respond, but no sound comes out.

“You don’t have to answer that,” Beca says lowly. “These bitches are too nosy for their own good.”

Chloe pouts. “Ugh, you’re no fun sometimes! Spill the tea Em.”

“Don’t,” Beca says, meeting Emily’s eyes, which have a highkey panicked look about them.

“Does she dirty talk?” Stacie asks, her voice light and airy. “I bet she’s good at it.”

“I HAVE TO GET READY FOR CLASS!” Emily shoots up off the couch. “GOTTA SHOWER. BYE.”

Then she zooms off and Beca hears her thumping up the stairs and into the bathroom. The shower turns on and Beca glares at Stacie.

“You broke her.”

Stacie hums thoughtfully. “It’s weird, she’s usually so open with me about her life.”

“Aw, maybe you’re extra meaningful to her Beca,” Chloe grins happily. “That’s cute. I’m happy for you.”

_ Or you know… the opposite… _ Beca thinks. But she doesn’t say that, oh no. She just goes on drinking her black coffee, wishing she had the guts to put creamer in it and to tell Chloe that the whole reason she thinks they’re hooking up is because they hate this vegan diet.

Maybe another day.


	3. The Kiss for Show and the Feelings

Emily starts sleeping in Beca’s bed on an almost nightly basis. Anytime she stays over at the Bella house, she crawls in bed with Beca. Sometimes she falls asleep in Beca’s bed before Beca does, while Beca’s still sitting at her desk doing an essay or working on a mix.

Fat Amy disappears more often, too, and Beca’s pretty sure she’s with Bumper, but like, it’s not her business so. She doesn’t ask. Even then, Emily still sleeps in Beca’s bed.

At first, it’s slightly annoying, but then Beca gets used to it. She wakes up most mornings squishing Emily into the wall, their bodies curled toward each other. Sometimes she drifts back into consciousness with her body splayed over Emily’s, sweating, and with Emily’s hair in her mouth.

One benefit of their new sleeping arrangement is that they sometimes sit up late listening to music and sharing chocolate and other non-vegan snacks without having to make an excuse as to why they’re sneaking around together.

In Beca’s opinion, this whole fake dating thing to get around the vegan situation isn’t so bad at all.

//

The Trebles host a New Year’s Eve party and most of the Bellas are in town and going. The dorms are closed, but Emily comes back from break early and stays in the loft. Beca pretty much only spent Christmas Eve and Christmas with her dad and Sheila, so she’s around. Amy’s visiting her mom in Australia and Flo’s in Guatemala, but other than that, all the Bellas are there for the New Year celebrations.

“I love New Year’s Eve,” Chloe gushes as they’re getting ready and pre-gaming. “It’s so fun. Like a new beginning.”

“I have to find a good Treble to kiss this year,” Stacie muses. She finishes applying her lip gloss and pops her lips in the mirror. “The one I kissed last year graduated.”

Beca rolls her eyes, but the rest of the Bellas giggle.

Emily hums thoughtfully. “Aw. I’ve never had a New Year’s kiss.”

“Well, good thing you have Beca this year,” Chloe chirps, and Beca feels like the air gets sucked from her lungs.

“Uh,” she stammers.

Emily’s face burns a deep red, her eyes wide and spooked. “Right, Beca. Yes. Me and Beca. Kissing.”

Chloe raises one of her eyebrows in their direction. Beca wants to face-palm. “You guys need to get over this,” she says. “You’re so nosy.”

“Oh, please,” Stacie snorts. “We haven’t had any in-house romance since Jessica and Ashley got together sophomore year. Let us have fun.”

“I’m happy to hear that Emily and I are just tools for your entertainment.”

Stacie grins. “Well, Emily isn’t, but you, Beca, dear? Always.”

Beca scoffs and flips Stacie her middle finger. “Fuck off.”

She makes eye contact with Emily, who looks caught between panic and laughter. Beca rolls her eyes and offers a smile, and Emily relaxes. She scrunches her nose at Beca and shakes her head, and it feels like the two of them have the kind of secret that makes every day just a little more bearable.

//

The Treble party is all the usual people.

There’s beer pong and flip cup and lots of booze. The music is too loud and everyone is dancing and singing. Jesse and Benji distribute noisemakers and silly hats when they arrive.

“Saved this one for you, kid,” Jesse tells her, setting a crazy hat on top of her head and pulling the elastic strap back so it snaps under her chin.

“Ow, dick.”

She shoves him off, laughing, and tosses the hat back at his your face.

“You’re no fun!” He calls after her, punch-happy and drunk. “This is why we broke up!”

“No, it’s because you’re insufferable,” she yells back, and pushes further into the party in search of alcohol.

She gets sidetracked saying hi to more people and it’s nearing 11:30 by the time she she finds a beer cooler in the kitchen and grabs two from under the ice. She’s already pretty buzzed from the Bella’s pregame, but she twists off the lids and takes a sip of one. She juts her chin at a few Trebles and heads back to the main room.

There’s some shitty Flo Rida song playing and Beca rolls her eyes as she watches Stacie grind up on some new Treble. A few people are in the Treble hot tub or milling around by the walls. Beca’s eyes land on who she’s looking for, and she pauses, hesitating.

Emily’s talking to Benji, her hands gesturing wildly, a big smile on her face. As Beca watches, Benji laughs at something she says and Emily squeezes his bicep. The gesture reminds her of Stacie, flirtatious and fun, and Beca’s stomach gives an unexpected twist of displeasure.

She frowns, uncertain if she should go over, but then Emily’s eyes slide away from Benji’s and find Beca’s in the crowd. Her smile grows, her teeth flashing across the room, and Beca takes a deep breath before making her way toward the pair.

“Hey!” Emily beams as she gets closer, and her fingers come out to wrap around and squeeze Beca’s bicep the way she was just squeezing Benji’s. Beca’s stomach twists again.

“Uh, hey,” she says. “I, uh. Brought you a beer.” She holds the other bottle toward Emily and Emily takes it with a smile.

“Thanks!”

Beca nods and takes another sip of her own beer before turning to Benji because she doesn’t want to be rude and he’s like a nice guy and her friend or whatever. “‘Sup Benji?”

“Hi Beca,” he offers her a happy wave and she feels a little bad for whatever weirdness she was feeling a second ago. She’s not sure what that was about.

“Fun party,” she grins at him and he shrugs sheepishly.

“It’s a mess, as usual.”

They all laugh, and then the song changes and the opening beats of Justin Bieber’s “Sorry” comes on and Emily gasps.

“Oh my God,” she gushes. “I love this song.”

Beca blinks. “You _do_?”

“Yeah!” Emily grabs Beca’s hand and pulls her toward the mass of people dancing. “Dance with me?”

“Uh. Okay?”

And then Emily’s laughing, her hand running through her hair as she spins around so they’re front to back. Her beer bottle dangles dangerously from the fingers of her other hand, clinking with Beca’s as they move together.

And Beca doesn’t like this song - in fact she thinks it’s _stupid_ \- but as Emily sings the words, her voice pretty and low, Beca finds she might not, like, hate it or whatever.

Emily grins at her over her shoulder, cocky and playful, and Beca’s mouth goes dry. She tries to find the beat, to move in tandem with Emily’s body, get swept up in the rhythm.

Emily turns around, pulling at Beca’s shirt until they’re closer. She towers over Beca, the fingers of her free hand sliding under Beca’s hair and around her neck, tugging them together.

And Beca must be drunk - they both must be drunk - because she puts her hands on Emily’s hips, her body moving in time to the music, and Emily’s nose is in her hair, her voice singing low in Beca’s ear until Beca’s flustered and too warm.

From like, the booze and dancing and stuff, and not from Emily.

That would be weird.

Still, they keep dancing, moving together, Emily’s hand behind Beca’s neck, Beca’s fingers gripping Emily’s hips.

When the song ends, Beca steps back, needing a breather. She takes a large sip from her bottle, her face warm and red.

Emily laughs, happy and free, her fingers coming up to push a strand of Beca’s hair off her forehead.

There’s another song playing and they’re kind of swaying to it, just standing there and grinning at each other. Beca rolls her eyes fondly and Emily takes her empty beer from her hand and disappears for a second.

When she returns, she’s empty-handed, and she grabs Beca by the arm, pulling her deeper into the dancing partiers.

“Same Old Love” is bumping through the expensive Treble speakers, and Emily pulls Beca’s back against her front in a move she _had_ to have learned from Stacie because Beca can’t fathom anything else. Emily’s breath is hot on her neck, her laughter loud in her ear, and Beca feels like mush, her legs feel like literal jelly, but somehow she keeps standing, keeps dancing, moving her body flush with the one behind hers.

Beca glances over her shoulder as they dance. Emily’s smiling with such a pure enjoyment that Beca can’t help but laugh too. She’s beautiful and _fun_ and Beca lets it fill her up like breath of fresh air.

The song fades out and cuts off and suddenly Jesse is standing on a table, his hands cupped around his mouth. “YO LISTEN UP!”

“Shut the fuck up, Swanson!” Some Treble yells and Jesse spreads his arm wide.

“Your fly is undone, Larson,” Jesse points and everyone in the vicinity laughs. “ANYWAY.”

Beca feels Emily’s body pushing comfortably up behind her, and then Emily’s chin on her shoulder. Their temples knock together gently and Beca grips the arms that have wrapped around her middle.

“From all the Trebles and me especially, thanks for another great year!”

There’s a loud cheer and Beca hears Emily chuckle in her ear.

“Now, there’s one minute left of this year, so grab a drink and a noisemaker and let’s light this place up!”

He hops off the table and everyone around them starts moving, either looking for friends or a drink. Emily squeezes her once before releasing her, and Beca turns around just as all the Bellas appear next to them.

Stacie’s got her arm slung around the neck of some Treble and Chloe’s cheeks are bright with drunken excitement.

Then someone - probably Jesse - starts counting down.

“TWENTY, NINETEEN…”

Emily’s looking at her, her cheeks flushed, and Beca frowns. She leans closer, easing up on her tiptoes so Emily can hear. “We don’t have to,” she says, but Emily scrunches her nose. Her hand drifts up and across Beca’s cheek, light as a feather.

“ELEVEN, TEN, NINE…”

Then Emily’s fingers grip Beca’s neck, her thumb settling by Beca’s ear. She tilts Beca’s head up, and their noses brush. Beca’s stomach bottoms out.

“FOUR, THREE…”

And then they’re kissing, Emily’s lips soft and questioning on Beca’s own.

“ONE!  HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Noisemakers scream all around them, and the party-goers erupt with cheers, but Beca barely can hear it over the pounding of her heartbeat in her ears.

Her cheeks are warm and her body is tingling and Emily’s still kissing her, her lips gliding gently between Beca’s, slow but confident.

And they’ve kissed before - once - in the dark of the kitchen. It was unexpected then and Beca almost didn’t have time to feel anything. This time she expects it, and she feels it in every cell in her body, like a flame licking over kindling until it bursts into a forest fire.

It’s like everything freezes - time, Beca, her heart. It’s just her and Emily, kissing in an empty room.

Then Emily pulls away - and everything comes rushing back.

Beca’s eyes shoot open, the music floods back. Stacie cat calls them and Emily blinks, puzzled, before red flushes into her cheek. She smiles shyly at Beca and Beca has no idea what face she makes back. She feels like she’s staring.

“Aw I love you guys!” Chloe gushes, and flings her arms around Beca. “Group hug!”

“No, no, Chloe - ”

And then everyone slams into them in a massive hug. They’re laughing and smiling and she’s pretty sure Chloe tears up. Beca makes eye contact with Emily around Chloe’s shoulder. She’s still blushing, but she’s smiling so wide it makes Beca’s stomach flip.

//

They stumble back to the Bella house around two, most of them no longer drunk, just really tired. Emily’s almost asleep on her feet, having spent the last twenty minutes of their time at the Treble’s slumped against Beca and yawning.

By the time they’ve trudged up the double stairs to the loft, Emily’s practically dead to the world. She slides her tight jeans off and strips down to just her tank top and underwear before crawling into Beca’s bed and curling under the covers.

Beca watches her fondly, shaking her head and getting into her sleep shirt and shorts before turning off the lights scooting in after her.

“Beca,” Emily mumbles, rolling closer in the darkness.

“Hmm?”

She can barely see Emily in the black of the room, but she feels her exhale deeply. Emily fumbles in the darkness, but then her hand settles on Beca’s cheek.

Before Beca can comprehend what’s happening, Emily’s pressing their lips together again, soft and quick, before she pulls back with a sigh.

“Uh. What was that for?” Beca laughs incredulously, her whole body tingling.

“It just felt like the other one was for them,” Emily yawns. Her legs tangle with Beca’s under the sheets. “That one was just for you.”

Then she nuzzles into Beca’s neck, smiling happily, her fingers against Beca’s collarbone, and goes quiet.

Beca blinks into the darkness, trying to exhale out the jittery feeling pumping through her whole body.

She can still feel Emily’s lips against her skin, a phantom kiss on her lips. She can picture Emily’s joy from the party, feel her fingers tugging at Beca’s neck, her laughter in her ear.

And it occurs to her for the first time, that this fake dating thing they’re doing?

She wants it to be real.

She wants it to be real so bad she can barely breathe.

She is so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im getting to this as i get to it... thanks for the patience


	4. Fake Breakup, Real Feelings

It might not be so hard, Beca thinks, if Emily wasn’t goddamn everywhere.

Her clothes are on Beca’s floor, their socks mixing and matching. Her backpack’s next to Beca’s against the desk. Her smell’s on Beca’s sheets, pretty and intoxicating. Her literal body is right in Beca’s damn bed, their legs touching under the covers.

Her laughter is in Beca’s ear, soft and cute. “Bec, look at this.”

Beca glances over to look at some picture Emily’s showing her on her phone, but she gets a little lost on the way when Emily’s nose brushes her forehead as she turns in her direction.

Emily is everywhere and she’s _close_.

Beca makes a noncommittal sound and Emily smiles easily. Beca can _feel_ it on her skin. It makes her heart jump.

It’s been a month since their kiss on New Year’s. Beca’s caught in some limbo between feeling guilty she hasn’t said anything about her feelings and trying to figure what her feelings are in the first place.

A _crush_ , Chloe’s voice says in her head. But Beca despises that word. Beca doesn’t have _crushes_. She never has.

She either likes someone a lot or she doesn’t. There’s no bubbly feeling of just thinking someone’s cute and nice and Beca might like it if they went on a date. And Beca loathes that, too. How she’s so all or nothing. Why can’t she be casually into someone like other people are? Why can’t she dream of sweet dates and the buildup to a relationship and like someone just because they’re cute without knowing anything of their personality?

Because, Beca tells herself. You’re just not like that. People either suck or they don’t, and if you like them, you like them.

Beca likes Emily. It’s taken her a bit to sort it out, these feelings of friendship or more, but she knows now.

Beca likes how they stay up late talking about music and their dreams for the future. Sometimes Beca feels like she can’t talk about _After Bellas_ at all with the Bellas, afraid something might snap, afraid that _something_ will be Chloe.

But Emily, maybe because she’s sane, maybe because she hasn’t been here as long as the rest of them, maybe because she just _gets_ Beca, is always willing to listen to Beca talk about what she wants to do next.

And it’s not just big stuff. They talk about their days and Beca loves to hear Emily laugh at how awkward she was when talking to her professor. They talk about their families, how Beca’s been getting along better with her step-mom and how Emily’s parents are _so_ embarrassing, _Beca you wouldn’t believe it_.

She likes that Emily always brings her a pack of M&Ms on Thursdays after class. She likes that Emily doesn’t mind being squished into the wall at night, that she always wakes up and blinks at Beca sleepily. Beca likes the mornings, when Emily’s energy is on the low burner, simmering, waiting for the day to begin.

_Fuck_ , Beca has it bad.

It just really wouldn’t be so hard, she thinks when Emily’s hair tickles her cheek as she tries to move around Beca so she can go brush her teeth and Beca’s eyes are drawn to her legs in her sleep shorts and the way her tank top rides up the slightest amount.

It wouldn’t be so hard if Emily wasn’t _everywhere_.

//

A retreat.

Beca groans as she flops onto her seat on the Bella bus. Two full days and nights in god knows where doing god knows what.

Well, Chloe does, but she won’t spill the beans.

Beca doesn’t want to go. She wants to stay home and try to make music that isn’t shit so her boss will give her a chance. She wants to be in bed, Emily cuddled up beside her, while she works on the set for Worlds.

She frowns at the thought, feeling guilty. Emily isn’t hers, no matter how often Emily slips and calls her _babe_ or refers to Beca’s room as _our room_ or wakes Beca up in the morning because her skin burns when she sleeps and she’s wrapped Beca up in a furnace.

Okay, Beca thinks. That’s not normal, right? Fake dating or not, Emily doesn’t have to do those things. Emily doesn’t have to bring her candy or smile at her like she thinks Beca’s the best or kiss her on the cheek when Beca does something nice for her.

Right?

No, Beca thinks. She doesn’t have to. So maybe…

Maybe this fake dating thing isn’t fake. Maybe it’s real and they were both just too clueless to realize it. That seems much more plausible than any other explanation for why Emily acts the way she does.

She glances out the window, wondering where her pretend girlfriend is and if she’s going to sit next to her on the bus.

What she sees makes her heart _stop_.

Emily’s smiling at Benji, her happiness reaching her eyes. He goes to touch her shoulder and they both laugh when they realize he has paint on his hands from painting the Treble bus for the ICCAs trip. Emily’s blushing, bouncing on her toes cutely.

Beca’s stomach twists uncomfortably.

You’re not dating, she reminds herself. Not really. And Emily likes Benji. She has this whole year.

And sure, Emily hasn’t said that, but Beca’s seen them laughing together, remembers Emily’s hand on his arm on New Year’s.

God, she’s so fucking stupid. Of _course_ Emily was just doing that stuff with her because they’re fake dating. Emily _loves_ being a Bella, she doesn’t want to screw it up by being caught being off that stupid Vegan diet, even it means she has to pretend to like Beca.

Stupid stupid stupid.

Beca scowls, her face hot, and slumps back into her seat.

“Hey,” Emily says as she climbs on the bus at last. She points to the seat next to Beca. “This seat taken?”

Beca just shrugs and slides her headphones over her ears. She turns her music up, ignoring the slightly puzzled pout Emily’s giving her, and closes her eyes.

Stupid fucking retreat.

//

Beca lets it get the best of her, and it’s her own fault really.

It’s just nothing is going right. Not her internship, not the Bellas, not her fake relationship with a girl she may have real feelings for. And she didn’t sign up for this, dude! She didn’t. Not this sweating in the heat, going through military grade _singing_ drills.

Fuck that.

“I just have more important things to do!” She yells at Chloe, and suddenly she feels guilty. Except that she’s pissed. She doesn’t want to be _here_ , doesn’t want to feel Chloe _pressure_ , and her own self-doubts, and Emily’s puppy dog eyes following her every move.

“What could be more important than this?” Chloe asks. “We know you’ve been checked out, and we thought it was because you started dating Emily, but it’s _so_ more than that, Beca. What gives?”

Some kind of bitter laugh escapes her throat. “Dude, open your eyes. Emily and I aren’t even dating!”

There’s a pause where all the Beca’s turn to look at Emily and Beca avoids looking _anywhere_ , because she saw the flash of hurt that crossed Emily’s face before it turned to confusion and guilt.

“What?” Chloe frowns, looking between the two of them. “Em?”

“Uh.” Emily looks toward the sky, then back at her feet. “Um, yeah.”

“Look,” Beca gets out because she feels like shit now. “It wasn’t - it’s not Emily okay. We just. We didn’t want to do your weird Vegan diet, Chloe, and when we got caught in the kitchen, it was easier to just pretend we were sneaking around than to hurt your feelings by saying we weren’t doing the diet, okay?”

It kind of sounds stupid now that she’s saying it out loud and Chloe’s eyebrows furrow like she’s trying to make sense of it.

“So you… pretended to be _dating_?” Stacie laughs. “Oh that’s rich. I love it.” She looks at Emily proudly and Emily blushes.

Chloe’s kind of glaring daggers at Emily and this isn’t her fault, it’s Beca’s, so she’s quick to tell them about her internship and how she just feels like nobody is taking their future seriously. And Chloe’s _pissed_ , rightfully so, but Beca doesn’t _care_ , and she’s ready to storm off to the bus and mope for awhile, but then -

Then she’s in the air, dangling from a net, her heart racing.

“What the hell?” She thrashes, and Chloe’s smirking up at her and Beca’s panicking. “Help!”

“We have to get her down,” Emily squeaks. “We need a ladder!”

And like 30% of her brain thinks it’s wild that Emily would still worry about her and freak out for her after Beca totally just threw her under the bus.

The other 70% of her brain is a little preoccupied because she’s dangling from a bear trap and could die.

//

She makes it down from the trap in one piece, but like, barely. She doesn’t want to know how Lilly climbed that tree to cut her down.

Beca guesses disaster has to happen for groups of people to stop fighting. That’s how it always was in those stupid movies Jesse made her watch. And she guesses if it had to happen to someone, it would be her, as like, karmic retribution or something.

She feels really bad and she pulls Emily to the side after the campfire when everyone is crawling into the tent.

“Em.” Her hand is on Emily’s arm and it makes her think of Emily and Benji so she drops it. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was a bitch and like, totally threw you under the bus.”

Emily scrunches her nose. “Um, yeah, it’s okay. I guess we couldn’t fake date forever.”

Beca can’t read the look on Emily’s face, can’t tell if it’s disappointment or regret or just awkwardness. “You deserve to be with someone awesome anyway. Someone like…” Beca swallows uncomfortably. “Like Benji or something.”

“Benji?”

“Yeah,” Beca nods. “I mean, he totally likes you, dude.”

Emily glances away. “Yeah. Yeah I guess.”

“I’m sorry I screwed up.” Beca doesn’t know whether she’s apologizing to Emily for outing them as fake dating or to herself for screwing up this thing with Emily in the first place.

Emily’s eyes skitter back to her and she takes a hesitant step forward, pulling Beca into a hug. Beca’s sure they’ll hug again, but something about this feels final, maybe because it’s the end of any chance Beca had to act on her feelings.

“I love you, Beca,” Emily says into her hair, and Beca wonders why it feels like a real breakup when it’s _fake_.

_It wasn’t fake for you_ , she reminds herself.

“I love you, too, dude. Thanks for uh, being the best fake-girlfriend around.”

Emily laughs and pulls back, her fingers coming up to push Beca’s bangs out of her eyes. Then she bites her lip and leans forward. Beca barely has time to close her eyes before Emily’s giving her a soft and chaste kiss on the lips.

“For old time’s sake,” she shrugs. Then she disappears into the tent after the rest of the Bellas.

Beca stands there for a moment, trying to remind herself it was fake.

_Fake, Beca. Fake._

Then why, she asks herself, does it feel so real?


	5. How It Starts (Again)

Beca’s bed feels too empty, too cold.

Emily hasn’t slept there in two weeks, and Beca thought she would enjoy sleeping alone again, but she doesn’t. She misses Emily’s stupidly long limbs taking up all the space and her stupidly soft hair getting in Beca’s mouth and her stupidly _warm_ body making Beca wake up in a sweat.

Yeah, she misses Emily like stupid, and it’s all her fault.

And it’s not like she doesn’t _see_ Emily all the time. She sees her every damn day at Bellas practice. They recorded Emily’s song in the studio and it was so fun and they hugged and it was like they were normal.

But they’re not. Beca _misses_ her and she hates it.

She spent this whole year thinking about how excited she is to leave this place, how much she wants to go out there and _make music,_ but now she can’t stop thinking about how she wouldn’t even be able to do that without Emily.

How she doesn’t _want_ to do that without Emily.

After all this, is she really getting stuck on the one person who doesn’t have to focus on her future outside of Barden just yet?

Yeah, she she sighs to herself, rolling over in the dark, wishing she was bumping up against Emily under the covers. Yeah she is.

//

“I need to talk to you,” she tells Chloe one day after practice.

They’ve made up, which is good, and Chloe is surprisingly excited about graduating next week. Everything should be on track.

Beca still feels like shit.

“What’s up?”

Beca looks over her shoulder, waiting for Jessica and Ashley to clear out of the practice room. When the door finally shuts behind them, Beca wrings her hands.

“I need… advice.”

“Advice?” Chloe raises her eyebrows. “Wow, I’m flattered. I usually have to give it to you unsolicited.”

Beca scowls. “You’re not helping.”

“Do you need a hug?”

“No.” Beca crosses her arms. “Okay, so like. You know how Emily and I were like, fake dating or whatever?”

Chloe huffs. “You mean behind my back because you were too chicken shit to just say you didn’t want to do my mandatory diet, even though, I, your best friend in the whole world, just care about your well-being?”

Beca stares, unamused. “This is why I never come to you for advice.”

Chloe just shrugs. “That’s the truth, babe.”

“Fine, whatever.” Beca sighs, her whole body jittering. “I just. Look, I think I messed up.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Chloe.”

Chloe laughs. “Beca, honestly.” Chloe drapes her bag over her shoulder and loops her arm through Beca’s, leading them outside. “I love you, but you’re the most clueless person on this planet.”

Beca tries not to be offended. “I said sorry about the diet thing, okay?”

“No, Beca, Jesus.” Chloe rolls her eyes in a very Beca-like fashion. “I mean about Emily.”

Beca frowns. “What about Emily?”

Chloe gives her a look. “Were you not just telling me how you messed up?”

“I’m so confused right now, dude,” Beca whines. Then she realizes Chloe isn’t leading them home. “Um, also, like, where are we going?”

“You came to for me advice. I’m about to give it.”

“Why don’t you ever do anything like a normal person?”

“It’s boring,” Chloe chirps happily. “This way is much more fun.”

Beca groans, but allows Chloe to steer her across campus. The lawns are busy, everyone out trying to enjoy the sunshine and study for their upcoming finals.

“There,” Chloe says after a minute. “Look.”

“What am I supposed to look at?”

There’s nothing around but students chatting on the lawn, some with their noses in a book, some with faces turned toward the sun.

“Emily.”

“Where?”

Chloe points to a girl in the grass, and Beca immediately recognizes Emily, still in her practice clothes. Her backpack’s next to her on the ground, notes spread out beside her. She has headphones hanging over her neck and down her chest, but she’s not listening to them. She’s biting on the end of a pen and scanning over a notebook.

“Okay…” Beca glances over at Chloe, who’s watching Emily curiously. “I don’t get this, dude. Why are we stalking her? How did you even know she was here? Are _you_ stalking her?”

Chloe shoots her a fond look. “I’ve seen her there on my way to the library the past two weeks you dweeb.”

“Dweeb?”

“ _Beca._ ”

“What?”

“Can you just let yourself feel something for one second?”

Beca scoffs. “No.”

“Isn’t she pretty?” Chloe asks, staring at Emily happily. Beca’s majorly weirded out.

“Yeah, but like - ”

“Shh.” Chloe’s hand covers her mouth. “Just watch for a minute.”

This is stupid, Beca thinks. Chloe is crazy. They’re just standing there on the sidewalk like creeps, staring at Emily, who is completely oblivious to them.

Not that Beca wants her to notice them. Then what? Then she’d have to explain why they’re there, how she went to ask Chloe for advice on what to do and Chloe dragged her here like a major weirdo. So Beca’s content to just chill there, watching, as Emily scribbles in her notebook, turns her face toward the sun, smiles when it shines on her face.

Beca’s stomach twists.

“So are you feeling something?”

Beca doesn’t reply.

“You know you could talk to her, right?”

Beca shrugs. “She likes Benji.”

“She loves you.”

“She loves all of us. She loves being a Bella almost as much as you do.”

Chloe tugs on her arm, finally pulling her away and toward the Bella house. “So clueless,” Chloe murmurs. Then she turns to Beca. “She’s moping. Haven’t you noticed?”

“Well, she’s sad, right? We’re all about to graduate and leave her.”

“Beca.”

“What?”

Chloe stops them in the middle of the sidewalk, turning so they’re facing each other. Then she puts her hands on Beca’s shoulders and looks her in the eyes. “You can make excuses for her all you want, but if you want something to change, you need to talk to her.”

Beca frowns, feeling like she’s pouting. “What if she says it was fake and she likes Benji and doesn’t want to be with me and I made everything up in my head?”

Chloe raises an eyebrow and Beca expects her to say that Emily won’t say that, that Emily has clear feelings for Beca, that they’ll be together if Beca gets her head out of her ass.

Instead, Chloe laughs. “Well, then good thing you’re graduating and leaving this place, right?”

Then she pats Beca on the cheek and starts again toward the Bella house.

“That wasn’t helpful,” Beca calls after her. “You’re the worst advice-giver on the planet!”

“Sure!” Chloe calls back with a laugh.

Beca sighs, then hurries to catch up with her friend.

Even if Chloe’s annoying as hell.

//

“It smells like fish here,” Beca comments as they walk the streets of Copenhagen.

“I kind of like it,” Emily giggles. She’s holding her umbrella over Beca’s head. “I think this place is romantic.”

“You think fish smell is romantic?”

Emily shrugs, smiling in Beca’s direction. “There’s just… something about being here. With the Bellas and you. It’s sweet.”

Beca wonders if she can overthink a sentence into oblivion. Romantic. Being here with you. Sweet. What does it mean?

“Must just be you,” Beca manages to say. “You make everything feel romantic.”

She cringes, but Emily falters and does a little stutter step on the pavement. Beca grabs her arm so she doesn’t trip, and she smiles at Beca bashfully. “Whoops.”

“Careful there, Legacy.”

“I got distracted by your face.” She furrows her eyebrows, blushing. “It’s all… distracting and stuff.”

Beca chuckles and shoves her hand at Emily’s face so she’s covering her eyes. “There, now you can walk without getting distracted by my face.”

“Beca,” Emily whines. “I can’t see.”

Beca takes her hand away and Emily sticks out her tongue. Beca laughs. “Cute.”

“I know you are, but what am I?”

“Five, apparently.” Emily feigns offense, lifting the umbrella so it’s no longer covering Beca. Beca feels raindrops land on her forehead. “Hey!”

“And to think we dated,” Emily scoffs.  Beca stares at her curiously. “Kidding,” Emily says, her cheeks flushing. She holds the umbrella back over Beca’s head.

Beca hesitates, but then she pushes through her discomfort. “About that. Are we like, okay?”

Emily blinks at her. “What? Of course we are.”

“Okay,” Beca says. Then she exhales in a rush. “I mean, like. Just. It felt like. You know…” She squeezes her eyes shut and when she opens them, Emily’s staring at her. “It felt like we actually broke up, dude, I don’t know.”

Emily pouts, the hand that’s not holding the umbrella reaching up toward Beca’s face. Then she thinks better of it and drops it back to her side. “Um,” Emily murmurs. She shoots her eyes in the Bella’s direction, but they’re not paying any attention to Beca and Emily. “Yeah, kinda. Bec. I… I miss you.”

“It’s weird, right? Like we just were together a lot the past few months. I feel like compared to that I don’t see you much anymore.”

“Yeah,” Emily nods, her voice small. “It kinda… it kinda sucks.”

“Did you, uh.” Beca clears her throat. “Did you talk to Benji and stuff?”

Emily shrugs. “Uh, no, not really. I mean, I’ve talked to him, but not like _that_.” She scrunches her nose. “He’s not… he’s not you, Beca.”

Beca’s stomach swoops. “Uh.”

“I just. I mean, I like him. But not in the way I like you.” Emily’s blushing, but her eyes blaze a determination that makes Beca feel off-balanced. “I guess I just forgot we were weren’t really dating, you know?”

“Em…” Beca’s heart is racing. This is like, _the_ moment. Say it, Beca. Tell her how you feel! “I want - ”

“HEY!” Chloe yells in their direction. “Keep up you guys! We’re burning daylight and we have to hurry if we want to see the Hans Christian Andersen house!”

Emily’s still staring at her, then she laughs and grabs Beca by the arm. “Coming!” She yells. “Talk later, okay?”

Beca nods and lets Emily pull her down the street after the Bellas, her entire body feeling some weird combination of confusion, disappointment, and hope.

//

Performing, Beca thinks, makes her feel brave.

There’s something about being on stage, nailing a song, knowing it sounds good, that really makes everything else melt away.

And right then? Everything is melting away. The crowd disappears, the Bellas sink into the background. Emily’s staring at her, the two of them singing, and Beca’s taken back to New Year’s Eve, when Emily kissed her and everything around them vanished.

Emily’s cheeks flush red, her eyes sparkle with happiness and exhilaration. She’s as beautiful as Beca’s ever seen her, and Beca’s seen in her all kinds of states of gorgeousness. She’s seen just woken up Emily, who’s soft and sleepy, she’s seen excited Emily, who’s passionate and giggly.

This Emily, though? This Emily makes Beca crazy with wanting, like the two of them are on some separate wavelength only they can exist on. God, Beca thinks. Chloe was so fucking right.

The music fades and the lights dim and the crowd cheers. Beca can hear Emily’s laugh over the applause and she reaches for her, grabbing Emily tightly. Emily wraps her up in a hug, all the Bellas squeezing in behind them and laughing.

They won, Beca guesses. She knows it deep in her heart.

They all shuffle off the stage, happy and drunk on their performance. Beca can’t take it; she pulls Emily over to the side.

“Beca, what?”

“Date me,” Beca says, her voice low and nervous.

Emily tilts her head like she can’t quite hear over the still-cheering crowd. “What?”

Beca rolls her eyes. “Date me!” She yells louder.

Emily’s eyes widen and Beca knows she heard. “Like for real?”

“Yes, for real!”

“You mean like I can kiss you when I want to and it won’t be fake?”

“Yeah!” Beca calls over the applause off the stage. “Like, come sleep in my bed again, and bring me candy, and I’ll beat Amy up for saying shit about you.”

Emily laughs. “Just to be clear. You’re asking me out? Like actually.”

“Dude. Yes!”

“Just checking,” Emily grins. Then she tugs Beca closer by her belt loops. Beca can feel her smiling against her lips. “This is real now,” Emily says. “So take it in.”

Then they’re kissing, and everything’s melting away. It’s just Beca and Emily, alone in the world, kissing and smiling and laughing.

Beca doesn’t want it to stop.

“Is this another fake dating thing?” She hears Cynthia Rose ask from behind them.

“You know, I don’t think it ever really was,” Chloe replies.

Beca ignores them, not once, even for a second, pulling away from the girl kissing her.

That fake dating thing? Yeah, that was okay.

But this? This is perfect. And Beca’s waited for it long enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading <3

**Author's Note:**

> hmu at emilyjunk.tumblr.com


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